smashing victory!

Architects who thought they had exhausted every conceivable unorthodox idea for housing the poor have come up with yet another experimental concept: put them in artificial trees. “I don’t know why we didn’t think of this before,” says designer Adil Azhiyev of Light+Space in Las Vegas . “It’s so obvious that the solution is to stop thinking about building at ground level.”

The architect adds that the “T-trees” would work well in suburbia, where they could be hidden among all of the other trees. “Everybody is always saying that we need to get affordable housing in the suburbs,” he says. “It never works because there is so much opposition. This way, perhaps, people won’t notice. If we could convince the poor to become nocturnal, they could come down at night and no one would be the wiser.”

Asked how he came up with the idea, Azhiyev says he was racking his brains about a solution to affordable housing and suburban blight when just decided to take the afternoon off. While at the park relaxable, he was hit on the head with an acorn, apparently thrown by an upset squirrel. “All at once it came to me — this squirrel was only defending his home. Very successfully I might add,” he says, rubbing his scalp. “Trees are a terrific and defensible home for rodents and birds — why not poor people?”

There will be little competition for housing in the trees, the architect says. “To put it simply, no one with any money will live up there. That’s good for long-term affordability.”

Training could be provided in food gathering techniques, Azhiyev adds. “With a little bit of support, it is clear that the residents will need to make far fewer trips to the supermarket,” he says. “There’s really nothing like a good acorn granola. With all this fiber in their diets, residents will put little strain on the plumbing.”

The design is facing criticism from some housing experts, who pointed out that the “T-Trees” are disconnected from services, businesses, and even public infrastructure that the poor will need. They also note that the T-trees appear to be unsafe, expensive to heat and cool, and lack operable windows that would take advantage of the high-level breezes.

Azhiyev vigorously defends the design. “The poor are in desperate need for housing, and previous public housing efforts have failed,” he explained. “This is the sort of design that could take the poor out of their substandard housing and provide a safe, elevated place for them to scamper from room to room.”